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The Surly Holiday Survival Guide

The season’s upon us, whether you asked for it to be or not. In the tumult of work and school and shopping and travel, at some point you’re going to need to sit down, take a moment for yourself, and grab a pint. We offer the below Surly pairings for some of the situations that arise this time of year.

  • December 21st. The winter solstice, featuring about 25 minutes of gray daylight. You’ve been saving that bottle of Darkness for a reason. Oh look, there’s some Dark Phase behind the juiceboxes and string cheese. Congratulations: You’ve entered Stoutsville. Vitamin D supplements are in the medicine cabinet.
  • Shopping for your dad. He is impossible to shop for already and gets so mad at you when you buy him anything that he will attempt to write out a paper check, in the year 2019, to pay you back. What do you do, hotshot? What do you do? You scramble. You improvise. You maybe give him a box of steaks, a book about war, or a handle of scotch with a name that has too many consonants. But you do it, because he’s your dad. You get the gift, you call it good, and the tavern down the street has Xtra on draft. Go ahead, you earned it.
  • The presents are unwrapped. All the toys are either half-assembled or emit a roiling thrum of noise that alarms local seismologists. Cousins are hashing out the finer points of “Happy Holidays vs. Merry Christmas” in increasingly sharp tones. You “volunteer” to take the overflowing garbage bags of wrapping paper out to the trash. The bracing slap of cold air and the enveloping quiet are like a balm for your weary soul. You open the garage fridge, grab a Furious, and savor the moment just a little while longer. It’s the most wonderful time of the year.
  • “We need batteries.” “We’re out of toilet paper.” “Your sister’s kids are all running a fever.” Your mission, should you choose to accept it: find the only store that’s open today to get the Duracells and the Charmin and the Children’s Tylenol. Celebrate your perilous, successful navigation of icy frontage roads to the Stop ‘n Go that used to be a Pizza Hut with a cold can of Hell.
  • The kids, awake at an ungodly hour, are napping in the spot where they opened their last gift. The Yule Log is on Channel 45. Bing Crosby & David Bowie are singing “Little Drummer Boy“. It’s the closest you’ll get to a roaring fireplace this season. Instead of splitting lumber, crack an Axe Man.
  • The last week of December. Hanukkah. Kwanzaa. Half-deserted offices. Taking PTO to assemble a goddamn Barbie Dream House. Whatever you’re observing or not observing, all are welcome at our Brewery, where we’re adding tours, extending operating hours, and pouring 30+ beers in the Beer Hall. If you’re in the metro area, stop in.
  • What are you doing New Year’s Eve? Jack shit, that’s what. All the cool restaurants are long since booked, and going out would involve putting on pants. What you do have, though, are a couple stray cans of Liquid Stardust from our Frost Pack. Ring in the New Year with whoever has Dick Clark’s job now, our sparkling IPA, and a sensible bedtime.
  • As for New Year’s Day, you can watch various parades and bowl games while studying up on our 2020 Brand Calendar, and plan out your beer runs for the weeks and months ahead.

We hope this helps you navigate your holidays. Peace on earth, good will to Dan, go Vikings, etc.

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