The season’s upon us, whether you asked for it to be or not. As we attempt to make the best of the worst holiday season ever, at some point you’re going to need to sit down, take a moment for yourself, and enjoy a beer. We offer the below Surly pairings for some of the situations that may arise.
- December in the Upper Midwest. How are you liking your 25 minutes of gray daylight? Hey, look, the sun’s coming ou–nope, it’s night now and for the next 16 hours. You’ve been saving that bottle of Darkness for a reason. Oh look, there’s a variant behind the juiceboxes and string cheese. Congratulations: You’ve entered Stoutsville. Vitamin D supplements are in the medicine cabinet.
- Shopping for your dad. He is impossible to shop for already and gets so mad at you when you buy him anything that he will attempt to write out a paper check, in the year 2020, to pay you back. What do you do, hotshot? What do you do? You scramble. You improvise. You maybe give him a box of steaks, a book about war, or a handle of scotch with a name that has too many consonants. But you do it, because he’s your dad. You get the gift, you call it good, and your local liquor store has the brand-new Moving Pictures Juicy IPA in stock. Go ahead, you earned it. (And if you’re in the Twin Cities, bring a non-perishable item or two along.)
- The presents are unwrapped. All the toys are either half-assembled or emit a roiling thrum of noise that alarms local seismologists. Two people are debating the finer points of “Happy Holidays vs. Merry Christmas” in increasingly sharp tones on cable television. You “volunteer” to take the overflowing garbage bags of wrapping paper out to the trash. The bracing slap of cold air and the enveloping quiet are like a balm for your weary soul. You open the garage fridge, grab a Furious, and savor the moment just a little while longer. It’s the most wonderful time of the year.
- “We need batteries.” “We’re out of toilet paper.” “The baby’s running a fever.” Your mission, should you choose to accept it: find the only store that’s open today to get the Duracells and the Charmin and the Children’s Tylenol. Celebrate your perilous, successful navigation of icy frontage roads to the Kum ‘n Go that used to be a Pizza Hut with a cold can of Grapefruit Supreme.
- The kids, awake at an ungodly hour, are napping in the spot where they opened their last gift. The Yule Log is on Channel 45. Bing Crosby & David Bowie are singing “Little Drummer Boy“. It’s the closest you’ll get to a roaring fireplace this season. Instead of splitting lumber, crack an Axe Man.
- The last week of December. Deserted offices. Taking PTO to assemble a goddamn Barbie Dream House. Binging The Mandalorian before it gets spoiled for you. Whatever you’re up to, all are welcome to shop in our online merch store. Use your gift cards if you so choose. Didn’t get a Surly hoodie despite a month-long campaign of hints? We’ve got you.
- What are you doing New Year’s Eve? Jack shit, that’s what. Our advice: Stock up on Surly, check out our holiday beer cocktails, and embrace your inner bartender. Ring in the New Year with whoever has Dick Clark’s job now, a stiff Surly drink, and a sensible bedtime.
- New Year’s Day. You can watch whatever parades and bowl games are still happening this year while studying up on our 2021 Brand Calendar, and plan out your beer runs for the weeks and months ahead.
We hope this helps you navigate your holidays. Peace on earth, good will to Dan, get vaccinated, etc.