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The 2018 Surly Guide to Road Construction

Road construction.

The two words that make Minnesotans cringe the most, more so than “Gary Anderson” or “zipper merge”.

It impacts us all, even non-drivers. Multiple, concurrent apartment/condo projects across the Greenway from Surly’s Prospect Park location have turned one side street into gravel and narrowed another to about half of one lane. Both are STILL OPEN TO TWO-WAY TRAFFIC, as well as bikers and pedestrians. It’s basically the next Road Warrior movie.

This is just one of the many routes to our Destination Brewery that’s impacted by road work, which we all realize is necessary and which we’re all going to complain about anyway. It’s our nature. It’s our birthright as citizens of Minnesota.

Here, then, are some things to keep in mind for your next trip to Surly, your favorite metro area watering hole with Furious in cans and a non-gently used Big Buck Hunter machine, or your cabin weekend/family reunion in greater Minnesota with the cousins you see once a year who steal money from your purse.

  • FOR GOD’S SAKE, TAKE THE TRAIN OR A BIKE. The Green Line goes right past the brewery. There’s a bike trail, too. This may not help you if you’re coming from Clontarf, but locals: You can do this. We believe in you.
  • 35W/94 INTERCHANGE: You ever read about trench warfare in World War I? That said, the Vikings’ season opener is September 9th, and if you leave now you should be able to get to US Bank Stadium by kickoff.
  • 35W IN SOUTH MINNEAPOLIS: All the bridges are gone, and it’s closed on weekends. It’s like Powderhorn and Kingfield had a bad breakup and their friends must choose sides. Ugly. Really thought they could make it work.
  • PINE CITY: Anyone attempting to travel between Duluth and the Twin Cities this summer mutters “Pine City” and stares into the middle distance. We’ve heard credible rumors that people are just living in Pine City for the summer rather than attempting to go home. We encourage this boost to their local economy, but hope you left enough food and water for your pets and sullen teenagers.
  • THE PLACES WHERE IT WON’T STOP RAINING: Parts of Minnesota have had a sustained monsoon season. A lot of them are by the Minnesota River. If it rains again before Labor Day, the only way to get to Burnsville will be via helicopter, South Dakota, or magic.
  • EVERY PLACE YOU WANT TO GO FOR A LONG WEEKEND: Lake cabin? Hometown? North Shore? Dells? Sorry folks! Road’s closed, man in the orange vest out front shoulda told ya. The truck drivers who distribute Surly in these locations are heroes and should be treated like returning astronauts.
  • DETOURS: The rural Minnesota detours will have at least one “WE DON’T EVEN PLOW THIS DURING THE WINTER, IDIOT” sign and divert you through one of those towns from the X-Files where there are Things That Should Not Be. Probably the super-fast vampires or chupacabras. Best practices include making some room in the cooler for holy water and befriending an Anglican priest who has seen some shit.

Thankfully, once this is all done, it’ll start snowing.

 

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