Welcome to the strangest goddamn 4th of July weekend ever. (OK, the 1776 one was also weird, but that’s because it was brand new and toilets weren’t invented.)
As we all continue adapting to everything 2020 throws at us, one thing you needn’t worry about is which Surly beer pairs best with your holiday plans, or lack thereof. We’re happy to do that for you.
PURCHASING THUNDERSHIRT FOR CAT TRAUMATIZED BY ROMAN CANDLES: SABROTOOTH TIGER. Hank has been through a lot lately. The squirrels on the other side of the window have been disrespectful. The human baby has been loud and insolent. And the nightly fireworks display in your neighborhood were the last straw. When you’re hitting up Chuck & Don’s to ease his anxiety, stop by your local liquor store for our newest seasonal, a Sabro-heavy IPA with notes of citrus, pineapple, and coconut.
INCREDIBLY LONG PHONE CALL WITH OLDER RELATIVE CONVINCING THEM TO WEAR A MASK TO THE STORE: FURIOUS. Our aging population consumes toxic information from unreliable sources. It’s tough to overcome what they read on Vigilant Patriots of Blaine’s Facebook page, but you must do it. The personal touch helps, but it’s a hard sell that will take more than just a text message. Put in the time. Ask about lawn care and what’s going on at church. Then get them to wear their goddamn mask when they go out. Plead if you must. Once they’ve begrudgingly agreed? That’s what the Furious is for.
BACKYARD BONFIRE WITH THE NEIGHBORS/YOUR “CIRCLE”: THE PARTY STARTER. The chairs are comfortably spaced. The smoker is filled with only the finest in pork butts. The potato salad selection is remarkable in variety and content. The cornhole board and bags are sanitized for your protection. A couple Party Starter 12-packs fill the cooler. Normal is impossible, but this is close.
ACQUIRING FIREWORKS FROM A BORDER TOWN AND SETTING THEM OFF IN THE MIDDLE OF THE COUNTRY: ROCKET SURGERY. The in-laws have some land out by Clarkfield. South Dakota’s right there. Cross the border, fill the trunk with high-octane goods, pitch your tent in the grass, and light up the Yellow Medicine County night. The aptly named Rocket Surgery will be there to toast the patriotic embers while the Power Loon plays Bob Seger.
SUCCESSFULLY KEEPING KIDS OCCUPIED FOR ONE MORE DAY: AXE MAN. Summer vacation when you can’t really do anything is essentially like being grounded for months over a curfew you didn’t break. The kids are bored, their screen time is through the roof’s roof, and you’re in charge of fixing that along with your actual job. Mary Poppins would have stepped out for a heater and never come back. But still you march on, and once you’ve entertained them for another long July day, enjoy one of America’s best IPAs. (If they ask about school in the fall, maybe have two.)
WATCHING/ENDURING HAMILTON: GRAPEFRUIT SUPREME. You either love musicals or you very much do not. There’s precious little middle ground here. If you’ve had this weekend circled on your calendar for the TV premiere of Broadway’s Hamilton, an incredibly refreshing Grapefruit Supreme is in order. If your understanding of the “for better or for worse” part of the vows did not foresee a musical about the guy on the ten-dollar bill debuting in the absence of sports and live music, suck it up and enjoy an incredibly refreshing Grapefruit Supreme.
We hope these help. Our Beer Hall is closed this weekend so our staff can enjoy the holiday. We resume daily service Monday, July 6th at 3 pm. Check tastesbetterlocal.com for area bars, restaurants, and liquor stores that can help you get Surly.
